To be the healthiest, happiest, and most secure versions of ourselves, implementing emotional boundaries is essential. This involves setting limits that protect our mental wellbeing and guide our interactions.
It’s okay (and important!) to create healthy boundaries. They help us put judgment aside and take care of ourselves. To help yourself create boundaries, take time to reflect on these questions:
What are the things I need to do to honor my journey and priorities?
What is stopping me from getting there?
What do possible solutions look like?
When communicating your boundaries with others, use clear, concise, and kind language that respects both your choices and the choices of others. Before setting boundaries, it's important to understand that boundaries are not about telling someone what they can or cannot do. It's about deciding for yourself what your limitations and values are and communicating them with others.
Use “I” statements to talk about how you feel. For example, "I feel overwhelmed when I have too many tasks piled up at once, so I need some help with my workload." Or "I value my personal space and alone time, so I need us to schedule regular nights where we each have time to ourselves." Avoid “you” statements as they can sound accusatory and may cause the other person to become defensive.
“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious and you get to decide how you use them. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.”
– Anna Taylor, Author
Establishing boundaries may mean saying no to some things, and that’s okay. Reframe ‘no,’ as not a rejection, but as the choice to make space for what really matters. By not overwhelming yourself and your schedule, you will have more time for activities you enjoy and more downtime to reflect.
Boundaries in Practice
Situation
How to Communicate a Boundary
Holidays with some family members that can cause stress.
“We are happy to attend the family dinner! Just so you know, if Aunt Suzie starts drinking too much we will leave.”
With this response, we are not saying Aunt Suzie cannot drink. That is not within our control, and it is her choice. However, we can choose when we leave, and we can choose to leave with love – sharing this upfront is one way to do so.
A customer at my job brings up issues I cannot help them with.
“It is not that I don’t care about your housing situation, but when you bring up a conversation that is outside of what I can help with, I will bring the conversation back to why we are here. I want to be respectful of your time and really help you with the things that I am capable of helping with.”
A family member is struggling with substance use and being there for them is taking a toll on my mental health.
“I’m here for you. I just can’t be there for you in a way that’s not healthy for either of us. When you’re ready for help, I’m in your corner.”
'When' statements create a balance between establishing a healthy boundary and leaving the door open for a future relationship when they are ready to try a different path. This allows us to keep a connection intact while at the same time taking care of ourselves. This boundary lets them know that they matter and that the door for support is still open.
Establishing boundaries and saying “no” to unnecessary obligations helps us reclaim our power and peace.
Maintaining these boundaries can aid in strengthening connections, avoiding unhealthy relationships, and boosting self-esteem. By prioritizing our mental health, we can show up as the best version of ourselves for those we love.
