A few years ago, I fell in love with a well-known saying in the Functional Family Therapy world: "No one is to blame… and everyone is responsible."
Initially, this was shared with me in context of family therapy. Most of the time, there is no one person who is to blame for any struggles that a family is having, yet healing is better when everyone takes some responsibility for the healing.
The concept was reinforced again when the pandemic hit. Knowing how things happened or what is to blame for the outbreak is helpful for the prevention of something like this in the future, but it does not really help in living through or stopping a pandemic.
What does help? Everyone taking some responsibility and understanding that responsibility does not equal blame.
Take the recent hurricanes for example. A hurricane is no one’s fault, but everyone is responsible for recovering from the disaster. If we channel our inner Mr. Rogers and “look for the helpers,” we see examples of kindness and generosity. Citizens fill their cars with goods and supplies. Neighbors offer their time to help people who are displaced. Goodness does exist in the world. If each person takes a little bit of responsibility and searches for something they can do to help, that goodness expands.
This concept applies to almost everything we do. Unless we are active in our efforts to help, we are implicated to be a part of the problem. I offer all of this because every day we hear about challenges, witness complaints from others, and we see issues all around us.
What do we do?
- Do we breathe a sigh of relief because that “issue” isn’t about us?
- Do we make excuses of why something is the way it is?
- Do we get “down” and get angry at the expectation?
- Do we doubt ourselves?
What if we instead thought “How can I help?”
So, I challenge you: the next time you hear some type of issue, ask “How can I help”?
- What responsibility can you take on to assist?
- True, you might not have created it.
- Yes, you might not deserve this.
- But, what if you decide to help?
What could we accomplish if we all agreed to take a little responsibility for moving forward, healing, and improving our community?
We really are stronger together. If everyone takes a little sliver of responsibility – we could do darn-near anything. Make a point to look at the world through a “helping” lens. This will help us all do our part to create the world we want to see.
Blog Contributor:
Kim Collins, MSEd, LPC
Chief Executive Officer
North Range Behavioral Health
